A boss who is nagging, a boss who complains, a boss who is always finding fault with us, if we have to work with people like this all the time, it must be boring, right? Have we ever had the experience of working with these bosses?
If so… How do you feel about working with a boss like this?
We must feel bad, right? And there must be many other feelings that follow, such as:
Some people may feel unhappy when their boss complains and they may not be happy with the various reasons he gives.
Some people are dissatisfied that their boss has to constantly nitpick at their work, which makes them feel that their boss may not trust them.
Some people feel that they are not capable enough because their bosses keep nagging them, following them, and checking on their work every step of the way.
Some people feel that their bosses don’t see their dedication, even though they have always worked hard for the organization.
I believe that many people have felt this way and have similar reasons as well.
This has caused many people to decide to change jobs because they cannot tolerate and deal with the problems and bad feelings that arise when they have to deal with a boss who is nagging or complaining.
But there are many others who may be in a bad situation and cannot change jobs (perhaps because they do not want to change or have nowhere to go). They choose to continue to endure these bad situations. Some may even choose the worse option, which is to become enemies with their boss.
The more power comes, the more power goes. The longer you stay, the more work you do, the more problems you will have with your boss. I don’t know who will go first (but for sure, mental health will come first).
These issues create a vicious cycle of problems that are commonly seen in every workplace.
I myself used to be like this because in the past, I worked with many bosses. If I said that I had good bosses, they would say that I was lying.
I myself have asked myself before, is it really because of my boss that I have to face this bad situation now?
Because of the boss, why did we become like this? Because of the boss, why did we not progress?
It’s a question that keeps me thinking, and the answer I’ve always gotten in the past is, yes, the boss is the problem.
But I also found that changing workplaces to escape a problematic boss is not a solution. No matter where I go, I still find myself with a boss who is nagging, a boss who complains, a boss who is always looking for faults.
Or when you move departments or get a new boss, you might be happy because your boss was already a jerk, but the new guy you get has the same problems again.
So, the boss is the cause of the problem? I’m starting to hesitate because it doesn’t seem like it. So what is it?
Until last week, I had the opportunity to read a book called The Outward Mindset “seeing beyond ourselves.”
This made me understand more that we are the cause of the problem.
Oh, so what did we do wrong? We did a good job, were good subordinates, had good results, worked hard and devoted ourselves to the organization all along.
It’s your boss who is stupid, doesn’t try to understand you, doesn’t see that you’re good, doesn’t see that you’re capable and dedicated.
This is where the problem begins, which is when we are deceiving ourselves (in English, it is called Self-Deception ).
Self-deception is when we try to deny that we have a problem by distorting our perspective and trying to find reasons to support ourselves or something else as the problem instead, or by blaming other things instead.
In this case, we are blaming the boss for the problem, such as:
The reason I am not progressing here is because my boss does not support me. Or the reason I am not working here is because my boss keeps finding fault and always looking for faults. Both of these reasons are reasons that we may bring up or make up ourselves, which may not be true at all.
Because our mindset causes us problems.
Thinking that you are in the right, that you are more important than others, or that you are being wronged, or that you are slandering others, are all the results of thinking in your favor (this type of thinking is called Inward Mindset ) .
To understand it better, for example, imagine working. Suppose we are criticized by our boss for a mistake at work in front of other people in a meeting. What will happen?
“This problem is caused by the production department. It was their own mistake or because the customer did not specify clearly in the purchase order from the beginning, causing us to send the wrong product that did not meet the customer’s needs.”
Some people may choose to respond by making excuses or trying to explain the cause, such as shifting the blame for the problem they are being criticized to others. The more we blame others or shift the blame to others, the less our boss will feel about us.
Let’s think from your boss’s perspective. If we behave in the above ways, how will our boss view us?
The boss might think that we are irresponsible, stubborn, don’t listen, aggressive, argumentative, or something else, right?
And when the boss looks at us in a bad way like that, the result is that we will be attacked by the boss immediately. Every time we have to present in a meeting, the boss will question us, nag about every detail. Or the boss may send someone to help us work. And of course, when we encounter this, how do we feel about the boss’s actions?
My boss is nagging me, my boss doesn’t trust me because he sends people to interfere with my work, my boss doesn’t trust me, and so on. When I feel down, what do I do with my boss?
We will respond even more harshly to our boss, and will display more inappropriate behaviors, such as arguing with our boss without good reason in front of others, or acting badly, not paying attention to our work, or letting our work performance decline because we think our boss trusts us.
The worse we get, the more our boss sees us as incompetent. In the end, the worse it gets, such as being easily kicked out of the company.
These are vicious cycles that occur between us, our bosses, and may drag our colleagues or others into the mix. In theory, it is called Collusion, which occurs when both parties use an Inward Mindset that tries to see themselves as superior, favor themselves, and find their own reasons to refute their opponents.
The results are nothing but losses.
What is the solution?
“Stop being self-centered and don’t think about changing the person in front of you. Change yourself.”
Because everyone has different needs and goals, just like us. Therefore, using a self-focused approach like Inward Mindset will not create good collaboration.
Outward Mindset is therefore important because it involves viewing others as valuable and just as important as ourselves.
As in the case of the boss, as an example earlier, if we have an Outward Mindset when we make a mistake or are reprimanded, we will understand the reason for being reprimanded (but we will not get angry or find our own bad reasons to refute what the boss said, such as not blaming others). Instead of making excuses, we may apologize to the boss and other related departments. Even though this action is a mistake, it will be accepted that we are more professional than the first person who did not admit his mistake and blamed others.
Then if we are this kind of person, how will it be when working with the boss? How will it be when working with other people? Everyone will be happy and we will be happy working together, right? And if everyone is happy, the result must be a happy ending as well.
This is what I got (just some of it) from just one day of reading The Outward Mindset “seeing beyond ourselves”. There is actually a lot more interesting content.
This reading has given me many answers about people, such as working with people, relationships between people at work, business partners, and family. Outward Mindset is considered important in living a happy and efficient life. It has changed my perspective on life in many ways.
For more articles about Outward Mindset , please visit:
Negative attitude is the beginning of a bad relationship.
Source:
https://arbingerinstitute.com/Landing/TheOutwardMindset.htmldMindset.html
