Life can start anew only when we dare to step out of our usual routine. Living the same old routine makes us afraid and not dare to do anything different. And when we don’t do anything different, it’s hard for us to find a new and better life than before.
Comfort Zone is everyone’s safe space, the point where we feel comfortable doing things within that space. Most of our actions within this safe space are things we are good at or familiar with. They are things we already know or have done before. They are not new and exciting things or things that require risk or worry because the results are the same. We already know what we will get from doing those same things.
Yubing Zhang, a former consultant at McKinsey, shared her story at TEDxStanford about her experience of bungee jumping at the world’s highest peak. As she stepped onto the small platform, she noticed that many buildings and streets were obscured by thick fog. Due to the height, the only company she had was the fog and a cool breeze that blew past her.
At one point, as she prepared to jump, a voice in her head told her, “I can’t do it.”
The employee tied the rope to her ankle and let it drop into the air. Suddenly, her mind told her to retreat immediately. At this height, she just thought that she definitely couldn’t do it. She decided to turn around and tell the employee that she wouldn’t jump. She wanted to get out of here. But then her eyes stopped on a sign. There was a short sentence written on it that could draw her back to dare to jump from the highest bungee jump in the world. That was it.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
She didn’t understand why, but as soon as she jumped down, for 5 seconds, while her body was lowering down in the air, she realized that it wasn’t that scary. The voice in her head would always try to maintain a safe space, which wasn’t a good thing.
Like many times when we are confused, such as you can’t quit your job because the voice in your head tells you that you can’t find a better job, or you can’t break up with your boyfriend because you can’t find a better boyfriend, we may not be sure if our voice in our head really cares about us.
“If we really try to do something new, it’s not that scary.”
Yubing said that before she went up on stage to give this talk, a voice in her head told her, “It’s scary being on stage. You can’t do it. You can’t speak to people.” However, she didn’t run away from the talk like the voice in her head told her. She decided to take a deep breath and argue with the voice in her head, telling her that it wasn’t that scary. Then she went up on stage to give this talk.
Safe areas that are not safe
Yubing said that in 2007, she started her first day working at a shelter for victims of domestic violence in a remote village in Cambodia. In a quiet room, there lived an 18-year-old girl who was physically and emotionally abused. She sat there shaking and not daring to look anyone in the eye. The girl’s name was Chia. Her face and eyes reflected the stress, pain, and shame of having to sit in this room.
On that day, she refused the help from the center and went back to her husband who was the owner of her physical and mental pain. She had been married to him since she was 14 years old and that was the reason why she didn’t have the courage to break up with him and start anew by living on her own without him.
“She started a new chapter in her life by stepping out of that comfort zone that was never safe.”
Yubing decided to learn more about her work skills to help Chia and many other women who have the same problems as her. It worked. Chia regained her life. She regained her confidence and dignity after she decided to overcome her fear of living alone and applied for a job at a hotel in her hometown. She successfully divorced her husband and a new world outside of her comfort zone began to open up for her.
Uncertainty that is certainly happy
Yubing told of a friend of hers, John, who lives in Hong Kong. He has a stable job. He works from nine to five every day and receives a satisfactory salary. But every time he meets her, he always complains that this is not the job he wants to do at all. But he can’t quit it. Because he might lose everything now. It’s too risky. So he chooses to ignore what he has always wanted to do.
“This is the first time I’m going to live life without a plan. It can be scary, but also exciting.”
This is what John told Yubing one morning. He took a positive psychology class and it sparked him, making him realize that life can start anew at the end of our comfort zone. He immediately decided to quit his job and decided to move to Australia. If you ask why he moved, he didn’t know at that time. He just wanted to find his own happiness for once, that’s all.
Six months later, Yubing heard from John that he had returned from Australia with his hypnotherapist’s license. His face lit up with happiness, his eyes twinkling like a cartoon character he used to watch on weekend mornings. He had now achieved his dream, deciding to travel the world giving lectures and workshops to people who were searching for happiness in their lives, just as he had done six months before.
“We all fear uncertainty, but trust me, it will lead you to a certain happiness in life.”
Outside the safe zone, deep into the weak point
The last story, Yubing told us, was about herself. She had a very close relationship with her family. There was always a sense of love in her family. However, due to her culture, expressing love was very embarrassing for her. Most of the conversations became about breakfast and dinner. It was surprising that she had the courage to speak in front of so many people, telling her story to strangers, but she had never dared to tell her family how much she loved them?
“I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too.”
In her pursuit of success in life, she slowly distanced herself from her family, eventually creating a gap between her and them. But then, on one of the hardest days of her life, she got her heart broken from a 3-year relationship with many questions still lingering in her mind.
A few weeks later, she had to go out to work in New York. She called her mother on the phone and let out all her pent-up feelings. Her mother listened and understood everything without her having to explain too much. Suddenly, the gap between her and her family disappeared. The words of love that she never dared to say, she was able to say them naturally that day, and her mother responded in the same way.
“Life is like a constant battle against a comfort zone. When you push it away, it pushes you back. And it always does.”
Gathering the courage to walk through our inner fears, to come out of our comfort zone is a great thing, but it doesn’t mean that we do it once and it’s over. Today, we take one step out of it, tomorrow we are in the comfort zone that we have to step out of again. It’s just that our comfort zone may keep expanding. Since this is our life, we have to always develop ourselves. We have to look at things or think outside the box and always challenge ourselves. We have to see the world outside our comfort zone, step out to it, and make it our new space.
Conclusion
After reading this article, I would like everyone to try to explore themselves, deep down in our own minds, to see if we have set any boundaries as our safe space.
What is it that we want so much, yearn for so much, but dare not to grasp it because it is beyond our reach?
We don’t have to give up our fears, but rather walk past them. Find the right job that we will be happy to have for the rest of our lives. Dare to open your heart to start a new relationship with someone without fear of getting hurt again. We may find out when we step out that it’s not as scary as we thought.
“We are always stronger and more capable than we let ourselves be.”
Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone | Yubing Zhang
