Self-Esteem is the feeling of self-worth, self-satisfaction, believing that you are also worthy, expressing pride, confidence, and being happy with yourself.
Everything starts with ourselves. We are always taught that before we can love anyone, we must first love ourselves. Because before we take responsibility for anyone’s life, we must take responsibility for our own life first. And before we want anyone to respect us, we must first learn to truly respect ourselves.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is a book written by Nathaniel Branden , an American-Canadian psychotherapist and best-selling author. He tells the principles of 6 pillars that will help strengthen people’s self-esteem. In this book, it teaches us about loving ourselves, taking responsibility for our own actions, setting goals, and being determined to take action.
“Self-esteem is often influenced by the people we value and respect.”
What we express is often framed by information we think is correct and stored in our brains. Many of our beliefs are formed before we even reach adolescence. The self-esteem we have is derived from those around us who are important to us, such as family, teachers, and friends. When it comes down to it, instead of ourselves, there are two things we need to remember: never take the respect we receive for granted and never underestimate our abilities.
“Because self-esteem is something that everyone wants in general, not something that any particular group wants.”
We cannot neglect or ignore the matter of self-esteem because it is an important ingredient in the recipe for creating happiness and success in life. Self-esteem is something that all of us can develop, but just saying it sounds easy because if we were not instilled or did not receive respect since childhood, our self-esteem will be low. Therefore, the way to build self-esteem is to re-root self-esteem in ourselves. If compared to a tree that has old wood growing, laying a new foundation in the same tree is not as easy as saying.
“Self-esteem determines a person’s character, behavior, and success.”
Respect is a fundamental human need and it is not available in the marketplace. Respect is built and passed on through the work and labor that goes into our lives. It can be strengthened by the beliefs we gain, the values we create, and then there are happy moments when we enjoy the success we have worked for ourselves.
“The less we respect ourselves, the less respect others will give us.”
This is why it is important to note that people with high self-esteem and confidence are always in high demand in society. If we don’t have self-esteem, how can anyone else expect to? People who don’t have self-esteem are the ones who get into dangerous situations and always find ways to make others think less of them. When we have high self-esteem, we drive ourselves to success with strength. Confidence is built up and this increases creativity and potential for success in our work and life.
“Self-esteem is the confidence to face life’s challenges.”
Self-esteem has important components, for example, self-respect and a sense of efficacy or self-confidence. Simply put, it is the confidence we have in our own thoughts, abilities and the courage to decide to do something. People who respect themselves will feel mistakes, stress, and insecurity and choose to open their minds to those things, along with analyzing new ways, which will help develop their abilities well.
“When people don’t understand their self-esteem level, it makes life harder for them.”
Here are 6 activities that can help boost our self-esteem. Nathaniel calls this the principle:
6 Pillars of Self-Esteem
1. Live mindfully.
Living mindfully is already fundamental to survival. It is the ability to be aware of ourselves and the environment in which we live. It also includes living purposefully in every space and moment of our lives. We also need to analyze our basic abilities and be able to tell if we are doing well. We need to be mindful of our actions and how they affect us, positively or negatively, inside ourselves and with those around us.
“Fear and shame are not what close your eyes, they are what open them wide.”
2. Self-acceptance
Self-esteem is impossible if we can’t even accept ourselves. So accepting who we are, what we have, and what we are capable of is the cornerstone of self-esteem. The heart of self-acceptance is to befriend ourselves, to encourage ourselves, because no one can give us the love we give ourselves. Learn to love yourself because our happiness depends on it.
“We are our own number 1 fans.”
3. Take responsibility for yourself.
Anything that is related to us or that happens with our involvement to some extent is our responsibility. So, don’t blame others or the situation just because the outcome is not what we wanted. Taking responsibility for yourself will make people more mindful of the choices and actions that they make each time.
“Taking responsibility for ourselves will make us more mindful in our work.”
4. Determination
Assertiveness is another key to self-esteem because it tells us how we prioritize our wants, needs, and values. We need to understand what motivates us to fight for what we want, to be willing to confront what we don’t like or are uncomfortable with, and to put in the effort to get what we want.
“Determination is jumping into a field where we are willing to get our hands dirty.”
5. Honesty to yourself
Self-honesty is the integration of your own thoughts, beliefs, and standards. Self-esteem can be developed to a higher level by being honest with yourself and having well-kept goals. This type of development involves deciding on a personal goal that you choose to achieve.
“People are usually honest only when they are sure they are right.”
6. Life goals
This is the final pillar of self-esteem. Life goals are what define the quality of life we choose to create. How do we work and live each day with a vision? What motivates us to wake up each morning instead of sleeping without a care in the world? It doesn’t matter how big or small our goals are, how much they mean to anyone, as long as they are a wonderful gift that makes us smile when we achieve them, and are special enough to inspire us, that’s all that matters.
“The quality of life is the result of the effort we put into achieving our goals.”
Conclusion
Developing a high level of self-esteem is not easy, but it is a very important task for everyone. Practicing the 6 pillars of self-esteem can be a great help, making them an activity that we can incorporate into our daily lives by default: living mindfully, accepting ourselves, taking responsibility for ourselves, being assertive, being true to ourselves, and having a purpose in life.
So how do we know what level of self-esteem we have, low or high? Here are some examples of questions that will help tell us what our self-esteem level is:
- We love ourselves and can prioritize our desires and values around us.
- We are comfortable with our skin color and appearance without comparing ourselves to anyone else.
- We don’t have to pull others down to make ourselves feel important or better than them.
- We are happy to help others grow and get the good things they want.
If we can answer all of these questions, it means that we already have a good level of self-esteem. If we lack any or all of these questions, don’t panic. We can develop this with the 6 pillars of self-esteem.
The most important thing for self-esteem is to know where you stand right now. It will give you the idea to practice and improve further. There are two more things we need to do right now: feel good when people encourage you to do good things, and we need to continue practicing things that make us comfortable being ourselves.
“Laziness is the most important goal you must conquer when trying to improve your self-esteem.”
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